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"How to Rock a Singing Telegram" is the eighteenth episode of How to Rock. It first aired on Nickelodeon in the United States on September 22, 2012.

In this episode, Kacey decides to help too-shy Stevie ask her crush to the school dance through the use of singing telegrams, but the response she gets surprises her; Zander, Kevin, and Nelson are also assigned telegrams, but they backfire horribly.

Episode Summary

Kacey asks everyone what all the biggest stars in the music industry have that they don't. Kevin guesses a lot of money, but Kacey says a fan that they have a fan that blows through their hair as they sing, and agrees with Kevin that they have millions of dollars. She holds up a fan to her face, and fantasizes she is performing in a concert as it is blowing. But in reality, it is not and Nelson points this out to her. Kacey suggests that she needs a bigger fan, and Stevie thinks she needs smaller hair. Zander then mentions that the singing telegram fundraiser is going great. Stevie says that the more money they sell, the more money they make for the marching band, who need new uniforms. Kevin mentions that people wonder why the bellhops are wearing tubas. Nelson shows Kacey three columns to show whose sending a telegram, one for who is getting it, and one for the message they have to sing. Nelson calls it Triple-Column Goodness, and Kevin mentions that if anyone uses it, they will be sued. Nelson tells Kacey that John Berger wants to give Eliza Simmons a telegram, asking her to the dance on Saturday night. Cut to the scene where they sing to Eliza.

The kid who sits next to you (next to you)
In Bio and Algebra 2 (Algebra 2)
Is all about goin' to (going to the...
The dance with you
So please, please won't you say yes
It will make John super glad
But if you say no, pleas don't go with Tad.

Eliza says yes, Nelson says it costs five bucks to sing their answer to John, and Kevin says it costs ten bucks if she wants him to rap too.

Meanwhile, Molly discusses with Grace about the only thing she doesn't love about going to school dances is constantly turning down so many boys, to which Grace agrees. A boy with a long scarf next to Molly tries to tell her something, but she is quick tell him that she doesn't want to go to the dance with him. But the boy actually was asking Molly to get off of his long scarf. But the girls believe that he's into her.

While Stevie is rehearsing a song, Phil walks by and greets her, she begins to stammer and wave. Nelson points out that he makes her babble-y but she denies it. Kacey says that he's cute and that Stevie should ask him to the dance. Stevie says that she might or might not. Nelson says that she shouldn't wait too long. He asks her if she knows about the expression with an early bird getting the worm, to which Stevie says that the worm gets it. Nelson says that she have just said she knew, then he bites off a pen cap from his pen.

Zander, Nelson, and Kevin make a deal with Dahlia at a lunch table. Nelson tells her that if she buy nine singing telegrams, she'll get the tenth one for free. Dahlia says she'll do it, but she wants Zander to sing all of them. She says that Zander has to sing "I love you more than anyone else in the whole school" to her ten times. Kevin and Nelson both laugh, and they leave Zander and Dahlia alone, to her delight. She notes that she'd never thought they'd leave.

Nelson and Kevin join Kacey at their normal lunch table. Kacey spots Phil which she says to Stevie. She encourages Stevie to say something, like "Hey, Phil. Want to go to the dance with me?". Stevie agrees, but immediately sits back down and says she can't. Nelson tells her to just send Phil a singing telegram. Kevin wants to rap, Nelson says that Zander will beatbox, and he himself will get his groove on in the background, then he begins dancing. Stevie orders him to stop, and says she wants Kacey to do it. Kacey tells her that she will for five bucks. Stevie just stares at Kacey's empty hand, so Kacey tells her that she was kidding and she doesn't really have to pay her.

Zander tunes his ukelele with Dahlia at the other lunch table, and she finally tells him that she thinks it's tuned now. He sings a telegram, to which she says it is "so sweet". Then when he tries to get up, she stops him and tells him to sing it nine more times.

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In history class, Grace asks Molly what her favorite way to tell a guy no. Molly says it's a hard-y, because she cherishes them all. But she says that she's been loving the "Cloud of Confusion" the most. she then tells Grace to pretend that she is a guy asking her out. Grace then says she's a boy and wants to ask Molly to the dance. Molly pretends that she has no idea what she is talking about and says, "You wanna take me to France?" and "You have what on your pants?". Grace finally says, "Forget it!". When she begins acting herself, she compliments Molly for frustrating her. They both do their "Perf Power" handshake and call it the "Rejecting Guys Edition".

Phil walks inside the classroom, and Stevie tells Kacey that it's time fro her to the singing telegram. Kacey takes off her glasses, picks up her boombox and walks in front of Phil, who is already seated. She tells him the telegram is from a very special lady, and wipes off all of the stuff on the teacher's desk. She sits on it and begins singing:

Hey, Phil
You're so thrill
So why don't take a chance
On a romance at the dance
With the catch of the school
She's so cool
She'll make you drool
So let's skip the guessing
And get to the yessing

Phil thinks it's fantastic, and says he'd love to go the dance with her. She looks at him and says, "What?".

In the next scene, Kacey and Stevie walk into the cafeteria, and Kacey assures Stevie that she's not going to the dance with Phil. Stevie asks her, "Why Not"? She says that Phil's cool, Kacey's cool, and she's cool with letting them go to the dance with each other. When Kacey asks why Stevie doesn't mind them going together, she tells Kacey that Phil is someone she could have gone to the dance with, not the guy she has to go with. Kacey asks what should she do, Stevie tells her to go the dance with Phil. She implies that she would be a bad friend if she stopped Kacey from going to the dance with a really cute guy. Phil walks up to Kacey, and asks her if she still wants to go to the dance. Stevie mouths "yes" and dances behind Phil. Kacey tells Phil, "Sure." They walk away together, as Stevie watches them and says,"Great".

Later on in the cafeteria, Nelson, Kevin and Zander are approached by Andy in the cafeteria. He says he'd like to buy a singing telegram to ask Stevie to the dance. Nelson tells him that he doesn't think that's the best idea. Andy says that he only has eyes for Stevie, so Zander says he should find someone else. Andy gets mad at them for judging him, so they give in. He gives them lyrics he wrote for Stevie and asks them to sing it to her like Big Time Rush.

Molly and Grace are in the hallway, marveling about how no one has asked them to the dance yet. Grace says it's like they are living in a scary sci-fi film. Molly thinks that no one has ask them because theay are pretty and have probably been asked out already. Grace suggests that their minds have been erased by aliens. Molly nods, pretends to agree, and puts her arm aroung Grace as they walk away.

While sitting on a lunch table, Stevie jumps when Zander slams down a boom box beside her. He, Nelson, and Kevin apologize about their singing telegram. Then they break out into a musical dance number. Andy stands a few feet behind them, watching.

I know it's you baby
Since I met you
Can't look away, baby
It's wouldn't be true
Ever since I saw star wars, I knew you were the one
You're my princess Leia baby
without the hair bun
Without the bun
I take you to dinner girl
We can split the bill
So go to the dance with me Stevie
Just say you will.

Stevie pushes Zander aside when he is done performing, and approaches Andy. She tells him that she'd like to go to the dance with him. Then he passes out.

In the Gravity 5 HQ, Zander asks Stevie why she'd go to the dance with Andy, but not with Phil, her crush. Kevin and Nelson marvel about Andy's farting abilities. Stevie says that Andy asked her, not Phil, and that it was going to be fun. Andy enters the HQ with a fruit bouquet for Stevie. When Kacey finds oout about her date with Andy, Stevie once again denies that it has nothing to do with Phil, and Kacey should still go to the dance with him. However, there she looks a bit upset. Gracity 5 delivers a singing telegram in the cafeteria to lunch lady Iverne from Mr. March to go to the dance. Lunch lady Iverne is surprised, and walks away shouting her excitement. When Mr. March came back to ask them if they had told her if she was giving back his $50 dollars back, the teens realize that they have mixed up the telegrams.

Molly and Grace don't want to go to the dance anymore. Then they immediately say that they have to go the dance. Out of desperation, the girls indirectly try to ask them out. They misinterpret the girls' attempt and tell them that they are going to ask out other girls. Walking away, Grace believes that this is a new low for them. It is discovered a few seconds later that Nelson would have asked out Grace, but he and Kevin already assumed that they both had dates.

At the dance, Andy tells Stevie that he has big plans for the future---he wants to be a fart doctor. The rest of the Gravity 5 members arrive to the dance. Iverne and Mr. March approach them, and tell them that they are having a good time. Dahlia approaches Zander at the dance and asks to buy ten more singing telegrams. She tells him that it is over, when she says it's over, and urges him to sing. Zander tells Dahlia asks Kacey, "Isn't he the cutest?" Kacey just raises her eyebrows.

Molly and Grace believe it is risky for their social status to be at the dance without dates. However, they agree that they can just be themselves. They get to hang out with each other. Nelson and Kevin tell them that things didn't work out with the girls they were going to ask out.

Andy drones on about fartology, and Stevie bangs her head against the table. Kacey and Phil appear in front of them, Stevie says that she Andy are about to dance. When Kacey and Phil want to join along, Stevie says that she and Andy are about to get punch. However, Kacey stops her in her tracks, and sends the guys off to get punch. Kacey tells Stevie that she's been acting weird. Stevie denies it then confesses that she was not okay with Kacey going to the dance with Phil. Kacey tells her that it is okay to pretend that everything is cool sometimes, but if something is really bothering her, she needs to come right out and say it. Both girls admit that they are going to remain single and give each other a hug.

Mr. March announces that the fundraiser has succeded and that he and the marching band now have uniforms. He introduces the marching band and Gravity 5 for their performance. Kacey announces that the song they will perform is a telegram to Stevie, who Kacey believes will be there for her no matter what. They perform, "Rock with Me".

Mr. March asks Iverne if he's every going to get his money back, and she tells him no. He tells her that he'll just have to live in his van, to which Iverne gives him a strange look. To his dismay, Zander slow dances with Dahlia who's obssesed with him. Grace tells Nelson that she would have said yes if he asked her to the dance. When he asks her, she says they're already at the dance. When he asks if she'll stay with him, she says yes. Kevin tells Molly that there have been a lot of girls checking him out that night. Molly says he can go slow dance with one of them, but instead he draws her closer so that she won't leave. The scene fades out...

Cast

Trivia

  • David confirmed that episode will have a version of the song "Rock With Me,"
  • Molly seems to have relaxed her her contempt for non-Perfs, especially Kevin and Nelson
  • Molly and Grace are desperate to get a date to the dance.
  • Andy mentions Big Time Rush when he asked a singing telegram for Stevie Baskara.
  • This episode was the first to air after the announcement of the show not being renewed. As of now, there are nine episodes left to air.

Quotes

Gallery

To view the How to Rock a Singing Telegram gallery, click here.

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